French Wives - SXSW Tour Diary (Part Two)

Day 5: More Texas 

I haven’t really mentioned this yet, and I assume you’ll have taken it as a given, but Austin is really hot. Really, really hot. You’d think therefore that I would have packed accordingly for this really, really hot climate. I haven’t. Let me explain my excuses in two phases. Firstly, about a week before we left my mother insisted to me that Austin was not to be hot whilst we were there and it would get colder as we progressed north. Thanks mum- that was nonsense. Secondly, two nights before we left we played a big show in Glasgow after which I was led astray by our friend/photographer/merch-man/general charlatan Phillip Sword and I stayed out all night. This meant getting a morning train to Irvine in a state of extreme disarray and attempting to pack for a 3 week long trip. Essentially in my disgraceful state I packed pretty much nothing, and certainly not any shorts or summer shoes (brogues only). So I’ve cut about for a few days with my legs pure roasting and I’m growing fairly tired of it. Time to take matters into my own hands. Some of you may know that I’m a left-handed man. I’m not one of these pretend left-handed folk that plays guitar right-handed and stuff. I’m left-handed. I do things with my left hand. Yes, everything. Including the use of scissors. Now then, left-handed scissors are quite hard to come by at the best of times and as wonderful as our host is, she only has the right-handed version. However, desperate times call for desperate measures and I attempt to use the upside down scissors to decimate my black jeans in order to make an airy pair of shorts. I’m aiming for a modest above the knee cut, but I can only get the scissors into the fabric, I can’t make them cut. Again, desperate times call for desperate measures so I attempt to rip said fabric in order to create the shorts I so desire. Disaster strikes. As I rip the rip goes up the way. No longer are these shorts a modest above the knee, but they now resemble hot pants that leave extremely little to the imagination. However, they will keep me cool in the hot Texan sun. 

Scott 'Tobias' Macpherson in his never nude shorts

Unfortunately we’re off to San Antonio today and I’m advised that it is significantly more reserved/conservative than Austin, so perhaps cutting about in a pair of grotesque hot pant ensemble paired with brogues and pink socks isn’t the best idea for cutting about greater Texas. The reason we’re off to San Antonio is to play at a fringe festival. It might seem like a bit of a weird decision to leave Austin and all the hubbub to go play elsewhere, but it had been pretty well sold to us as a big venue with big SXSW bands playing. The opening night had had Best Coast headlining and 900 through the door, so we were pretty optimistic about it. Tonight it was The Wedding Present headlining, but when we went on there was precisely 0-4 people through the door and even all the other bands had left to go see the Alamo- literally the only thing I wanted to see in San Antonio. However, it was the festival’s first year and I reckon after a few more years and some exposure it could be really good/busy as the venue was pretty cool with three different playing areas, if very few people saw us! Plus, the drive gives us our first proper experience of Sirius XM satellite radio (which we’ll get VERY tired of over the coming week). We have an excellent glowstick party blasting The Wanted, Glad You Came (tune), go mental when One Direction (amazing) comes on and then disgust Siobhan by listening to Playboy radio for far too long. 

I’ve realised that I’ve rambled on a lot about Thursday now (mainly about shorts, yes) so I shall keep this bit brief. After we got back from San Antonio we all split up and went to different gigs. Jonny and I went to see Andrew WK. All the songs sounded like Party Hard. It was fucking brilliant. 

Day 6: Last shows in Austin 

It’s Friday, and it’s our last full day in Austin. I wake up with a hangover made worse with the realisation that we’ll have to cart our stuff about largely on foot between two venues pretty far apart over the course of the day. This is a fairly amusing sight as, in order to avoid horrendous baggage fees, both Stuart and I’s pedals and leads are being held in a plastic Marks & Spencer bag, and have been since we arrived in Austin (it lasts until Buffalo where it explodes wire absolutely everywhere). We’ve got a show in the afternoon at a cool place that looks like Stavka in Glasgow if anyone remembers that and then an unofficial Scottish show at a cool Mexican place a bit out of the city centre. They both go pretty well, with one woman at the first show saying we were her highlight of the festival (obviously didn’t go to Andrew WK). Because our second show was a bit further out of town and quite far into the evening we learn a very valuable lesson should we ever be lucky enough to go to SXSW again. On the Friday night it’s hoachin, so if you want to see something, even with a hallowed wristband/badge, get in as early as possible. We got back into town around half past nine and then spent hours upon hours walking around failing to get into pubs to see bands we really wanted to see. In the end it gets a bit too much and Stuart, Jonny and I go back to the Mexican restaurant we played our first gig in because we remembered it had excellent toilets. We also have the world’s largest margarita and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel at least a bit steamin’ after it. After the wandering, our spirits broken we agree to go and see The Drums, who are playing a big outdoor show. Jonny likes The Drums, the rest of us don’t. We remind him of this a lot. Disappointingly the Ting Tings are meant to be on next but have cancelled. We’re all gutted. Not really.  

Day 7: French Wives migrate north 

And so ends our time at SXSW, which exceeded all expectations I ever hoped to have of it, and begins our lengthy drive to Canada. The route we’re taking, which takes in 3 gigs, 10 states, and lots of service station food all before we cross the border, is 1,907 miles long. We’ve got 5 days to do it and 3 drivers. Thankfully I am not one of these drivers. Leg one of the journey takes us from Austin to Oklahoma City, where we’re playing a gig in a brewery. On a Saturday night. On a Saturday night that happens to be St Patrick’s Day. Lots of drinking ensues. But first- the journey itself. Texas is flat. Oklahoma is flat. There’s very little to see out the window. The highlight is when we purchase Oklahoma’s version of The Digger. As with all things American it is way more extreme, and goes to the lengths of publishing the home addresses of people who have committed certain crimes. As morally opposed as we obviously are to a lot of its editorial and journalistic decisions we still play a fun game of guess the crime, and try and work out which of the mugshots look like our mates. 

The promoter/sound guy at the brewery we play at is truly a man of honour. Free beer brewed on site all night and a free meal? Yes please. Puts four cans of warm Tennent’s/the nothing we’re normally given truly into perspective. Add to the fact that he is a lovely man and we’re in for a good night! However, to say the lineup of the event is eclectic would be a massive understatement. On before us is some girl playing violin with her dad and his mates as her backing band. It’s weird. It’s all instrumental- she calls it gypsy/Irish folk but in reality it sounds like really really rubbish prog rock. She proper girates about with her violin as well and kind of ambles ominously from one side of the stage to the other whilst playing solos. Incredibly weird. Then we go on. A quick glance at the crowd reveals that we have quite a lot of work to do- they’re either drunk or look like stereotypical rednecks who may or may not kill us. Oh, also, Chris was playing sitting down because he didn’t feel well. It looked ridiculous! Anyway, surprisingly the gig is actually really good, and the supposedly scary rednecks actually buy most of the merch. The funniest moment is when a massive guy in a Stetson turns to me during the last band (a ramshackle Irish-punk band) and keeps insisting “y’all were better” as if I didn’t believe him first time. The true story of the night, however, is our journey back to the motel. Chris, the invalid, had to be taken home early, so Siobhan and Stuart went back with him leaving Jonny and I being completely hustled by Stevie at pool. When we leave the brewery at closing time we’re somehow surprised that we can’t get a taxi. On a Saturday night. On a Saturday night that happens to be St Patrick’s Day. Our motel is miles away, so we’re pretty short of options until Stevie brass necks it with a car leaving the pub. Thankfully, the girl driving offers us a lift. However, there are only 2 free seats, and 3 of us. We’re big guys and it’s a small car, so squeezing in is out of the question. There’s only one option left- Scott in the boot, like the dog I clearly am. This short 10 minute drive, over some 3 lane roads really opens our eyes as to the slightly more lackadaisical attitude some people in America tend to adopt in relation to taking their car to the pub. Scary stuff, especially from my unique viewing post. Banging tunes, though.

French Wives - SXSW Tour Diary (Part One)

 If there's one thing that I have to do before I die, it's to get myself out to Austin for SXSW just once. I have been promising myself that I will manage it one day, but what with arrival of 'Peenko Jnr', I think that it might be a while of yet. In my quest to continue to torture msyelf by hearing other folk tell me just how amazing it is, I asked Scott from the French Wives to write a wee tour diary on what they got up to in Austin and on the rest of their jaunt around the US of A...

Ad to Regardless of your experience/level preparing to go on tour for any length of time is a difficult task. Prior to this month our longest single jaunt away had been ten days. This time around, give or take a couple of days it was basically a month. A month! In order for this to go off without a hitch a significant degree of work has to go on behind the scenes before you hit the road, especially if you don’t have an agent/TM/manager/driver etc. This administrative experience is intensified massively as soon as you decide to go to the United States, which is where we’ve headed for SXSW. However, rather than boring you with all the preparatory nonsense that went on, I thought I’d try to provide an insight of sorts into our American experience.

Day 1: Travellin’ Tales 

We’re up early (myself even earlier thanks to me living in Irvine) to get to Glasgow airport for a morning flight that will see us hit Amsterdam, Memphis and finally Austin; a refreshing total of nearly 18 hours’ travel. We get to Amsterdam with little fuss, but difficulties begin to show when we board the plane heading for Memphis. No wee TVs on the seat backs. Yeah, you read that right. I mean what is this, the 90s? I thought they were a given now, and we were all genuinely looking forward to 10 hours of personally selected entertainment from the 1000 hours that the airline boasted that it had. This, apparently, was not the case. Already the tour is a nightmare and frankly we all want to go home (not really... well, a wee bit). As such, we’re required to watch the airline’s choice of films for the flight. Out of the four sterling pictures shown, there is one film I’d quite like to draw your attention to. The Big Year. Heard of it? Basically, it’s got really famous actors (Jack Black, Owen Wilson, Steve Martin) cutting about making an absolutely ridiculous film about bird watching. It’s so bad it is utterly compelling! I’d definitely recommend it as you can find out the true price Owen Wilson’s character has to pay to become the best birder (their word not mine) in the world. Anyway, after some walking in Memphis we’re on the plane to Austin where we get to witness a crazy lightning storm in the distance but arrive safely at our destination. We’ve had to travel really light thanks to crazy baggage fees, but with 6 people and a selection of instruments there is always going to be a big pile of stuff. Due to said pile of stuff, the wait at the car hire point where they bring our car round is genuinely like when the screen moves back in Blind Date. Will the boot be big enough? Should we have gone for number 2 instead?! When it comes round it looks promising, and after some tentative moving and some teasing all our stuff is in- result!

After a short drive we arrive at our host Robin’s house. She’s great, and also has a cracking dog (I like dogs a lot) called Beau. He’s a cross between a cocker spaniel and a poodle, a cock-a-poo if you will. The sleeping arrangements are made, and I’m sharing a blow-up mattress with Jonny “The Dream Riddler” Smith for the week. He’s called this because he sleeps in the shape of a question mark. Honestly. 

Day 2: Scoping out Austin 

 Everyone who hasn’t been to SXSW has heard the stories of how crazy busy it is and seen the pictures of a packed 6th st. However, because we arrived early we saw a slightly more tame 6th st than we had initially expected. Here we also learned a valuable life lesson- don’t go into the first bar that offers cheap drinks, and definitely don’t go into a bar where the barmaid is given a microphone, especially when the bar is empty. If you do both of these things at once- which we did- you’re in for an uncomfortable bottle of Bud Light. We also did an acoustic show in a Mexican restaurant tonight which was great because we were plied with nachos, tacos and margaritas. Chris later claims that this will be his favourite show of the tour as he didn’t do any work, but instead just sat and ate nachos. At the party outside the restaurant we encounter a DJ who I imagine will never be topped at SXSW or anywhere else- DJ TexasDude. He’ll DJ AND according to his business card he’ll also do your tax returns- what more do you need? Later we go to a bar (still haven’t really seen any bands) and get fleeced on drinks until we encounter a very drunk junior doctor who enjoys a lot of public affection with his girlfriend, but on the flipside spends a fortune on drinks. We beat them at beer pong for their trouble! Following this Siobhan has literally the best game of Jenga I’ve ever seen outside the bar. There were about 40 people watching and they were all cheering and filming it on their phones. A better reception than any of our shows will get, we imagine! 

Day 3: Austintatious 

 Firstly sorry about the pun title- couldn’t resist. Austin is lovely as well, and not ostentatious in the slightest! We started today slightly off 6th at an excellently named breakfast venue called Bacon where we’re playing the earliest show of our lives with a stage time of 10.15am. You’d be correct in thinking that in naming your business Bacon the pressure is on to rustle up a decent breakfast. Thankfully it doesn’t disappoint, providing me with a positive first experience of the breakfast taco- the first of many, many tacos with varying degrees of variety and quality. Pitchfork will later write that the Doritos Locos Taco, which was given out for free at another venue, was one of the worst things about SXSW. I respectfully disagree. Our show is outdoors in the glorious morning sunshine and we try to enhance everyone’s breakfast experience as best we can.

One of the main things we’ve noticed so far is that a lot of American bands cut about looking like the Doors but not necessarily sounding like them. Lots of tattoos and sunglasses and hair. We were meant to have another unofficial gig in the evening but unfortunately there are some crossed wires and it doesn’t happen. However, during this time we almost accidentally become the backing band for a bunch of rappers at a “vibe session” (their term, not mine). I wish it had happened as it probably would have been hilarious but alas it never takes off.  

Day 4: Showcase Day 

It’s the day of the Scottish Showcase, the biggest gig we’ll do in Austin and we’re really excited about it. The showcase itself is taking place at a venue called Easy Tiger on its patio, which sits by the river (was it a river?) on 6th st and is an excellent setting. First though we check out The Twilight Sad during the day, who were great. During this gig Chris does something you really wouldn’t expect during a Twilight Sad set and gets a massage, in the venue, during the gig. Literally in a massage chair just off the stage. Very strange. He claims it was excellent, though. In the afternoon Stuart, Siobhan and I go to an unfinished shop front to record a session. We have to leave pretty much as soon as we’ve recorded our track which is rubbish as they had some nice cider on the go. This is one of my favourite characteristics of SXSW- all the FREE stuff. Stick some Scottish people in about some free stuff and they’ll go wild for it. We spent quite a long time at the Introducing Oklahoma showcase the other day because we got wind of free booze and nice free food. Couldn’t tell you who was playing, though. Similarly, we spend a lot of time at the Hype Hotel due to their free tacos and free drink tokens policy. After the tokens run out you tip the bar staff. Even this is great value since there are no pesky restrictions on measures over here. Every drink seems like half a bottle of vodka in a glass. Another thing to get stereotypical Scots excited then. True to form, it does.

On to the Showcase then and it must be said, the chaps at the SMIA have done a stellar job getting it all organised. On the bill is Woodenbox, Tango in the Attic, ourselves, Three Blind Wolves, Django Django and We Were Promised Jetpacks. It’s busy throughout the night and everyone plays really well too, which is good. It was particularly rammed for Django Django as I believe was the case for all their shows and they did a great job. Tonight is also the drunkest we’ve all been so far. I think it was the pressure release of finishing the showcase that triggered it. I also wish I could print everything that happened, but I would be in a lot of trouble if I did. Sorry!